2013 has been a tricky year. My first full year as a semi-adult, living away from home. The first year I've really tried tackling inner demons. I've seen a few phrases tossed around to explain it. A Learning Year. The Character Development Year.
I don't really care what it's called. It sucked.
I still haven't done a lot of what I want to in life, like finishing a manuscript or properly tackling my TBR pile. I still haven't dealt with my inner demons properly and in some aspects, even made them worse. I've isolated myself a lot and still suck at making friends and keeping them. I haven't lost weight (maybe some? I dunno) and I didn't get straight As (though I have raised my GPA quite a bit since this time last year). I haven't brought myself back up to my personal standards of blogging. I made this list last year of things I wanted to do in the next 1001 days. I've added a couple of things to it since then, but the list has had 43 things on it so far. I've finished 7 of those things. I have until almost the end of 2015 to finish the rest of these things, and there are a number in progress, but to think I've only done 7? Makes me feel like a failure.
I try to remind myself of all the good. I got to go to fancy cocktail parties and movie screenings and met a decent number of famous actors. Even if I haven't lost weight, I've built muscle. I live in an apartment that's generally a good environment for me. I've released some parental-related steam without them really realizing, and therefore without upsetting anyone. I've made it clear where my political interests lie. I've improved my baking/cooking skills. I've had a lot of fun with the friends I do have. I've discovered a ton of new favorite authors. I've been a freelance editor for almost a full year and have even launched my own editing company. I went to BEA for the first time and NYCC for the second time and did it so much better this time. I met a lot of my favorite authors, one who is also a new friend and two who have been long term friends. I was recognized by Veronica Roth and Sarah MacLean. I was interviewed in PW. I got to take an entire class on Jane Austen and another on 20th Century Europe and I'm halfway through my Publishing Certificate classes.
The problem is, a lot of these were one-off events and the Happy of them only lasted so long.
I'm obviously not going to call this The Worst Year Ever, one because there was just too much good, and two because well...I feel like a lot of people (myself included) tend to call EVERY year the Worst Year Ever. And I don't feel like I want to add this year to the endless list.
I already have January laid out in front of me. I start my first in-office internship at a major company. My mom has surgery and has limited use of one arm for six weeks and I will be unable to help. I'll go see my fourth musical, Newsies. I'll return, by train, for another orthodontist appointment and somehow going to visit my grandma for her 88th or 89th birthday. Return to the city and work and start school, a semester where I'm taking four classes, three M/W and one just Wednesday.
Then the rest of the year. I've already had it confirmed that my braces will be off before this semester ends. I'll have a steady paycheck. I'll have a lighter semester. I won't be moving again and therefore won't have to worry about getting to BEA. I'll turn twenty. I'll start prepping for my thesis and study abroad. I'll be halfway through college. I'm finally meeting my best friend, if nothing goes wrong.
There's so much good, and yet I'm already plagued with guilt knowing my mom was hoping I would stick around all break and help her around the house. I hate having to think about how to feasibly work as much as possible and also transport myself to/from the city without my mom driving. All of these awesome things, yet I won't be able to enjoy it much with this weighing over me.
I have faith that 2014 is going to be better. It seems promising already. But I can also already guarantee it'll come with some difficulties I'm going to have to manage. Somehow. I think I'm ready.
--Julie
